I’m excited to share an excerpt from my book, Restarting Your Life When You Are No Longer A Wife which was chosen to be featured in the current Kirkus Reviews digital magazine Indies Worth Discovering Click to page 162. Also, it is featured online in Kirkus Reviews. Scroll down on the list. Getting a Kirkus Review is really important to authors like me. Let’s hope it distinguishes me from the pack.

WHAT READERS SAY:

Readers find the content uplifting, encouraging, and heartfelt. They describe the writing style as passionate, well-written, and relaxed. Readers also find the humor emotional and humorous. They say the book is captivating from the first page till the end and keeps their interest from start to finish.

Looking Back So You Can Look Ahead

The most difficult thing about moving forward is you can’t do it healthily until you look back at the life that made you. That’s what is involved when starting life over after divorce.  Not only the failed relationship but who you are. Why did you choose your ex, what happened, and what do you want now? You probably don’t know the answers to all of these questions, but that’s okay. At the start, you walk through the world in a state of panic/shock, and that’s completely normal.

When you are better, you will look for and find these answers. There absolutely is empowerment for women over 50 after a divorce.

The universe, the world, and life, which were so closed to you while you struggled in a bad relationship, will now open up and present you with options and possibilities you never imagined. Acknowledge the man who gives you a smile in the fruit section of the grocery store. Start to feel things again. The things you shut yourself off from so you could step through each day of your “normal” life that was so not. 

You are not alone.

Know that. For every one of you, there are fifty, one hundred, two hundred other people who are accepting the life they chose and stepping through it unless something drastic happens. But here you are. Something drastic happened. You got left. You were one of the women being cheated on. It is the best thing that could have happened to you. That’s what my therapist kept telling me for almost two years until I kind of started to believe it. I thought it was therapist talk. You know, they’re trained in “how to motivate people to recover.” I didn’t trust what she was telling me. How on God’s green earth could this be the best thing that could’ve happened to me?

But guess what? I was wrong. She was right. I was stuck in the dysfunctional mindset I had to reprogram if I was ever going to live the happier life I deserved.

The bigger issue now that I lived in “Thank God It’s Over” land was how do I trust that any man is not a stinkin’, filthy liar?

It’s not easy. (New relationship advice for ladies on what not to do is coming up.)  I spent years not believing a word any man said. This approach was for my heart-safety, but I took it to the extreme. A seemingly normal guy would tell me he was “a published author and a lawyer, but also an avid gardener.” I’d think, Sure you are, buddy; now, take your lying, boasting behind away from me.

Even though I had been on those many “horror dates,” there was not a single reason to think these men were liars, but this betrayed broad was certain she knew their real story. My train of distrusting thought went something like, Certainly, that’s a lie I’m spotting in their eye. How many drinks has he had? Is that cigar smoke on his sweater? That looks like a worn-out sweater. I bet he’s in the dumps financially. Adios, loser.

That inner know-it-all always won out. In her bossy voice, she’d weigh my options. I could stay and get to know this man, who now smells kinda good, or I could hightail it home and catch Drew Barrymore Show.

You know who won. Inner Critic awarded me five stars, but my life was barren of the light of a new relationship.

Stop Being Scared and Accept the Scary Fact

Are you getting bored of alone time? Thinking of venturing back out there? Perhaps it’s time to look back on past choices that led to unhappiness.

What I mean is throughout your life, you attracted a certain type of man to you and accepted his habits or weird inclinations and looked the other way. Asking yourself certain questions is one of my first-date tips for over 50 now that you are back on the market. What do you think will happen? That on your first foray, you will attract the most perfect, mentally fit man who is well on his way to healing? Um, no. You are in your old habits. Accept this.

The first several men you attract will be carbon copies of the one who left you/dumped you/you dumped because you have not yet healed. And you are rushing the healing because A) You’re not getting any younger, and B) You are not getting any younger. And there’s Facebook. Where fifty-plus men can chat with thirty-year-olds. I know. Thirty used to be old. It used to be the cutoff. Now thirty-year-olds are twenty years younger than you. Face it and move on.

You are alive. And healthy. Many people love you. You are committed to taking care of yourself. You are still awesome. I know on some level, you know that. Sit with that. Feel it in your bones. Project it to the world. Even on my worst days, I put on makeup before I go to the grocery store. But I do it for me. I practice self-kindness every day. That is all part of the restarting-your-life experience.

Think of this new life as the VIP room at a hip club. You are the bouncer who decides which man is hip enough, cool enough, and has the “it” factor that makes you open the door and let them enter. They have to have a certain poise. Certain grace. Decency. A great smile. An ease that makes you want to be alone in your Very Important Person room with him. 

Do it for you.

Not everyone else. Where does that get you? Drop this book and have some cheese and crackers. Yes, you are allowed. No more calorie counting. Eat. The time of taking care of him is over. This is about the care and feeding of you. Come on. You deserve it.

23 Ways Men Are Clueless

1.As much as we change, some things with men seem to stay the same. Here are a few:

2.They don’t understand the incredible excitement of finding pants that fit.

3.They don’t get our unsurpassed sense of smell. We can smell a baby’s breath and know their tummies are sick.

4.They will never understand our obsession with chocolate.

5.We love all babies and are mothers to all the children on earth.

6.We love old people because we will age, and the wrinkles will come, and at least 50 percent of us will get dumped for a younger model. And we will deal with it and take care of ourselves.

7.We will be the caretakers of our aging parents.

8.We will always buy People magazine’s “Sexiest Women” issue out of curiosity because we never know what men find sexy. (Besides the obvious things like large breasts.)

9. We don’t care if you cry in front of us. It’s fine with us. It’s normal to cry sometimes. We don’t think less of you. In fact, it endears us to you that you trust us enough to let go.

10.You have to update your wardrobe every so often. Even though you hate to shop, you can’t wear your out-of-fashion jeans and shirts.

11.We don’t care about gray hair or baldness. Really. Only you guys do.

12.You have to look after your health. We don’t want to lose you to a heart attack.

13.Um, gym shoes are not appropriate for every occasion. Invest in a few pairs of nice leather stylish dress shoes.

14.Please no more faded-washed jeans from 1990; go to Macy’s or something. The salespeople will help you.

15.Yes, you can still hold doors open for us and carry heavy things.

16.Tell us we are beautiful.

17.Sometimes, a hug is all we need.

18.We are much tougher than you think.

19.We are moody. Guess what? You can be moody, too.

20.Sometimes, make us dinner.

21.Hug us for no reason.

22.Kiss us when we leave the house.

23.Kiss us when we come home.

Do you agree that this simple list of information and suggestions could save many relationships? Or could be great dating tips for new relationships? Perhaps you’d like to add a few of your own.

We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through the Leftat50.com website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together! And check out my book, “Restarting Your Life When You Are. No Longer A Wife” I wrote it just for you!