It’s time to wipe your landscape clean of dusty memories hanging crookedly in your mindscape. Let’s turn that area into a world-class museum instead. Straighten the memories we love. Admire their beauty and vow to experience more of those. It’s up to us who are starting over again after divorce.
Where are you going this week? In your mind and in your physical body? A new place. Beautiful parts unknown. Let your internal compass guide you.
A decluttered mindscape makes room for many new feelings.
It motivates us to make a plan or enjoy spontaneity. Create a Mental Health self-care routine. You are the champion of your life. No more doldrums. Build a snowman. Skip through your garden. Go to the ocean, or a river or lake nearby. Join your local library. There are all kinds of things to do. Many are free or next to nothing.
We all must keep moving. Whatever that means to you. There’s a time for stillness and rest but also a time to get out into the world. Find out what’s been waiting for you to discover it. An independent movie theater. A Used Book Store. That antique shop you’ve driven by for years and never stopped into.
New places and faces are how we repopulate our redesigned landscape.
When I put myself someplace I have never been to, part of me opens up. Relaxes while keeping me engaged. It becomes nothing to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Then others join in too.
In “ancient times” when there were used CD stores, that was where I loved to hang. Talk to the owner about what new music had come in that I might like. Talk to my other CD Geeks thumbing through the hundreds of plastic CD cases. Coming home with new music to listen to was a great way to change my landscape. These days, perhaps you can stream some new music or rediscover those songs from decades ago. Take care of a chore you’ve been putting off that’s calling to you. Then treat yourself to some fun thing outside of your personal space. Too much time in the homestead is too isolating.
Finding reasons to get another mundane thing done is way too easy.
An example. I live in a super dusty apartment. No idea what causes it. But I knew I was spending wayyy too much time dusting, vacuuming, and all the rest. One of the best things I ever did was find some decently-priced cleaning ladies in my neighborhood. I asked around on a local Facebook Group. When they come and my entire place is dust-free, I get a mood boost. Waking up this foggy morning, I couldn’t wait to walk around on my washed floors. I’m too old and creaky to lug a water bucket! They can do in ninety minutes what takes me hours.
With this freed-up time, I’ve become a Citizen of the World these days.
That means I help an older gal reach for something off a high shelf at the grocery store. Or stop to pet a dog that runs up to me on my walk. Little things that make me happy or make someone else’s day easier. Once I began reframing my thinking in this way, new experiences came into my life. Yesterday, for example. I was doing one of my least favorite things. Taking my car in for a tune-up. They said it would be about 90 minutes. This place is next to a burger place. It was lunchtime and I went over there. It’s not an eat-in restaurant. It’s a drive-through with a walk-up window. Waiting behind a group of teenagers, I glanced across the street at a bus stop.
A clearly homeless woman was sitting there alone.
Her belongings scattered on the ground. She lifted her gaze and saw me looking at her. I thought nothing of it and put in my order.
Standing outside waiting I was looking around where I would eat and noticed there were a bunch of picnic tables on the other side. Seemed like that would be nice. Eating outside on a lovely blue-sky day. Suddenly, the old woman from the bench was standing right in front of me. She began whispering to me and I couldn’t understand a word she said. The teens all turned to look. She pointed to her mouth and I saw every tooth was a strange shade of yellow. I said, “You are hungry?” She nodded. I gave her what cash I had: a ten-dollar bill and told her to get herself lunch. A security guard then appeared from around the corner of the building. He was eyeing her. She ordered by pointing at a sign that had a photo of a lunch combo of a burger, fries, and a soda.
Then for some reason, she decided to sit on the ground in the spot where you wait in line.
Just sitting there in her dirty clothes. Another man appeared. Dressed like a manager and started talking to the guard. My food came up and I stood near them, but they stopped talking. I went to the picnic table area. I’d ordered a root beer for my beverage. I’m all about healthy snack ideas for active women but I splurged. I have not had soda in forever and root beer in even longer. It was heaven in a waxy cup! “Why have I denied myself soda for so long” I thought as I slurped it down.
I enjoyed this unexpected lunch treat and kept an eye on the manager and security guard. They moved toward my area. I heard them talking about the homeless woman. How she comes over and begs for food every day. Their tone was jokey. Smug. Like they thought it was amusing. I wasn’t expecting that. Looking back I saw her crossing the street with her food and drink. She sat down on her bench to eat it.
When she first approached, she had briefly raised her shirt to show me her stomach area, with ribs protruding.
I was sad that she thought she had to prove to me how hungry she was. Realizing this was probably the first food she’d had today was sobering. To live every day wondering where your food is coming from is rough.
That was how I lived through my twenties. On my own and flat-broke. Waitressing at two different restaurants, one lunch, and one dinner. That was how I was able to eat. Owners feed you after your shift. Going to sleep with a rumbling stomach and waking up with one is not something I ever want to go through again.
When this woman lifted her shirt to show me her starving body, it really brought me back. I remember the guys who worked in the kitchen and how they all thought I was too skinny. The owner was an Austrian man named Siegfried and he forbade any of the Specials on the menu to be eaten by staff. He made us eat the cheapest food he could make for us. Spaghetti and one piece of sourdough were the norm. The good stuff would go home with him or in the garbage. Yes, he’d rather throw it away than let his staff enjoy it. I never understood that.
But what Siegfried didn’t know was after he left for the night, these wonderful guys who did not speak a word of English would pull out several styrofoam containers.
In those containers were the night’s specials they DID NOT THROW OUT! They set them aside for me to take home! What kind men! Looking out for a young woman working her way through college and barely getting by! I was so grateful for them. Because otherwise, I’d be going home to empty cabinets and a barren refrigerator. That was how I got through those rough times.
Seeing that woman standing before me with grey streaks through her hair, I couldn’t help but wonder if she had family or friends. If not, how did she get to this low point? Living on a bus bench outside. Begging for food. Speaking in a whisper. Each day blurring into the next. Did she ever have a mindscape? What does she remember of her past? Or had her mental illness or drug dependence wiped that clean?
In the sad days, when we stay stuck in past hurts, we at least can learn from whatever our bad life choices have been.
She does not have that anymore. It was my joy to buy her lunch.
When my car was finally ready after what felt like forever, I found out my assistant was mad at how I was being made to wait for hours. She had called and talked to a manager and asked why no one could’ve driven me home to wait if it was going to take so long. That call ended up with them taking seventy-five dollars off my bill! Was that how one good deed for someone else led to a good thing being done for me?
This series of events yesterday are so interesting to me.
It lets me see how wiping my old lifescape clean led me to be a gal who lives in the moment.
Not in her head. In making this change, I created change in that woman’s day. Positive change. Which led to a positive outcome for little ol’ me.
As the man at the shop checked me out, he mentioned that I should go on Yelp and leave him a good review. The nerve! He left me waiting forever because I wasn’t getting his texts for some reason. He could’ve called me on the phone after I didn’t come. Or he could have taken a whopping three or four steps to do so. I would’ve seen him. Now he wants a good Yelp review? What is he thinking? He’s not getting any review at all from me. My entire day was shot to heck. Was I being treated this way because I was a woman? Who knows.
I’m going to have to wipe my landscape clean of those soon-to-be dusty memories.
Driving away from the car place, I turned right and drove past the Bench Lady. She smiled a huge smile and waved goodbye to me. A ten-dollar bill being handed to her changed her mood. That and having food in her tiny tummy. I hope others will do the same for her tomorrow. For this day, I was her advocate. People have stopped actually seeing Homeless people. They drive and walk by them all day, every day here in Los Angeles. They mentally wipe that landscape clean, even in real-time. That’s become too easy to do.
But dusty memories, well they have to go.
You need to get out there and be involved.
Be a part of the human race. Because when out in the world, the lesson is that things are not as bad as they seem. We can each play a part in them getting better and better. Change your landscape. Change yours or someone else’s life. Even if it’s one burger at a time, there’s always a way. I’ve become a Noticer. I used to be a gal who lived in my own worried head. There’s a whole world of folks out there to notice. Give it a go!
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through the Leftat50.com website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together! And check out my book, “Restarting Your Life When You Are. No Longer A Wife” I wrote it just for you!