In seeking out all the pieces of the jigsaw puzzle of our new life, are we making it more difficult than it needs to be? I practice mindfulness for stress and anxiety. As a recovering Perfectionist, I can drive myself to distraction by doing too much research. Every decision I make does not need to be fact-checked on some Internet website. For decades of my life, I acted on instinct. That turned out fine! Like 99% of the time. I hate that this other thing, this all-knowing Algorithm is suddenly encroaching on my perfectly fine decision-making capabilities. You too?
I admit, I’m going through a bit of no more checking everything withdrawal.
There are so many prime examples of my instinct never letting me down, it’s not even funny. It’s merely a fact. Recently, I moved to an amazing new apartment. After years of researching millions of real estate web pages, I’d found nothing that seemed like even a tiny upgrade to where I had been for thirteen years.
After a nightmare year of things going wrong at this place, i.e. bedbug outbreak, being stuck in the elevator for an hour, and people constantly trying to pry mailboxes open, I was done. I was looking for simple things called Peace, Quiet, and Safety. Was it the Internet that Googled me into this new, fabulous place? No, it was not.
It was empanadas. How so? I woke up on a Sunday morning craving these from a local spot that makes them fresh to order. Then you sit outside on picnic tables and chat with folks you don’t know. We all rave about the deliciousness we are stuffing our faces with. It’s fun. On the way there, I drove by a huge complex I’d never noticed before. I took down the number and called. By that afternoon I was touring this place and days later, I signed a lease that began in a few short weeks! All because I acted on instinct that morning. Also, an empanada craving, but the point of this is I went with my gut.
When you make the right decision, the Universe rewards you.
It makes it happen. I found a great moving company, and they had an opening. Even though it was Christmas week! Who knew that was a good time to move? I do, now. The people who live here model kindness as they rave about this place, saying nice things like, “Welcome to the building. You are going to love it!” There’s a gym and a pool and yes, even a movie theater I can reserve if I want to. What???
Listening to your instincts is the point I’m making. I’m still in happiness overwhelm when I wake up in my brand new bed in my happening new community of nice people. If you feel you need to make some life change listen to yourself. Your Self is always right? Right???
Now I’m living through the scary fires here in California. It’s always something, and I know we will get through this somehow. Then, we will all live in the aftermath, doing what we can to help each other. When disaster strikes complete strangers become a community and take the necessary steps through a mental health crisis together.
Kind of like what happened to me when I was walked out on by my partner of half a century the year I turned fifty. It was my own man-made disaster scenario. My only choice was to live with it as best I could. I knew starting over after the divorce was going to take time. That angered me.
I felt I didn’t have time.
I had a quarter century to get through and I better get going. When heartbreak is my motivator many emotions need sifting through. I decided to get into action and deal with the sifting later. After all, he had restarted his entire life. Why should I drag my feet on this? It’s my one and only life too. The rebuilding began by joining a workout class and making a ton of new female friends. All with similar experiences of restarting their lives. There are all kinds of support groups for divorced women over 50.
One bad thing truly can lead to a good thing. It doesn’t all have to be downhill. Maybe these fires will show us a better way to construct our communities of the future. I certainly pray that is part of the result of this tragedy.
It also reminds us that someone is going through something worse than we are all the time. Even on the days and nights it doesn’t feel that way. Feel your feelings. It’s the only way to let them go once and for all. Then get trucking through the new life ahead. There’s only one way to go and that’s forward.
Don’t stop even on the tough days.
Do one small thing to improve how you feel that day. I believe over time all of those small things add up to a great thing you never saw coming. Trust that if it can happen for me, it will happen for you. That’s the way life works. Happiness doesn’t only visit certain people who are horrendous jerks. Theories like that make no sense.
If you are feeling stuck when you crave freedom, take this task into your own hands and hearts. Don’t “run it by” anybody. In major life decisions, how many times have you been horrendously wrong? Very few to none, I am guessing. That’s not going to change now. In fact, you are wiser than you were back then. Literally, you cannot lose. Choose that new direction. Run down that path. Feel the freedom that comes with looking, seeking, and finding on your own Google-less terms!
A year from now when your life is in a completely different space it will be because you made a choice. Being definitive has its advantages. “No more foot-dragging” is my new Motto. You are free to create your own. I don’t tell any woman what to do. We have gobs of stupid men for that. Luckily, we are free of them. Stop thinking about him and continue to think about the unique woman you are. Remind yourself the possibilities are endless if only you choose to think about them that way. Could it really be that simple? Um, yes!
Get going! Look into taking that dream trip to some faraway place. Join that local club you keep deciding on.
Yes, I DO think you’d look great with maroon hair.
How cool would that be? Very, I’m guessing. Buy that sports car if you want to. Who cares what your kids or anyone else has to say about it? For gosh sake. Learn that new language and go to that country. Take that cooking class. Learn how to rock climb. Try your hand at the piano. It’s really not that difficult, I promise. Make your beautiful noise.
Getting into action will help build a life that feels like home. A “home” you are currently building, brick by brick. Experience by experience. Each and every new day. Nothing has to be overwhelming anymore. We have all lived through that dark time. Emerging with a new sense of the women we can be. The women we are and continue to grow into. Give yourself a big pat on the back, a hug, or a scoop of chocolate ice cream. Life is sweet if you pile up all the ingredients you’ve ever dreamt of. See? That wasn’t hard at all!
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through the Leftat50.com website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together! And check out my book, “Restarting Your Life When You Are. No Longer A Wife” I wrote it just for you!