When you are too close to something, you cannot see it. We cannot see the planet we are on, for instance. Unless we are Gayle King! Who, to her own amazement, ended up flying into suborbital space even though she is terrified of flying. She made the journey with five other women. All of them were gals, “of a certain age.” Anything is possible. You can move toward something as you move away from something else. Gayle knows that now. Do you?
Such as it is the case with past relationships. That is why all those phrases like “leave it behind” exist. “Move on,” people tell you. “He’s moved on, you need to also.” But many of us choose to keep our pain close to us. To continue to live inside of it. They’re is no mindfulness for stress and anxiety. Since we keep it close, we cannot examine it. No telescope needed. You don’t need a telescope to see an ant on the ground. But you do need one to see a faraway star or planet.
This is why moving on and away is so important.
Lingering in the past keeps us there, unable to analyze, make judgments, and choose to move on for good. To let it get small. The way we lose sight of our town as the plane takes us higher and higher and away from all we have known. Take the necessary steps for your mental health crisis. When on vacation, we excitedly head toward a new destination. Assuming the unknown will be wonderful. The Grand Canyon, the Mediterranean Sea, the Smoky Mountains.
But in leaving our long-term relationship that doesn’t even exist anymore, we sometimes choose to move like the opposite of a flying rocket. Slowly. Snail-like. Because in real life, this moving away is permanent. There is no familiar life to go back to. All has changed. How we live each precious moment. Who we share those moments with. The future we know, we owe ourselves to start planning.
Being left and starting your life over after divorce is a false lesson in the fact that we cannot plan our future.
Because the actions of others affect us. It was the person we trusted the most who upended our lives. Now it’s all up to us, after divorce, to figure out how to start over. Unlike a vacation, where we happily anticipate that the next corner we turn will reveal something wonderful and worth exploring, we never do that with this unanticipated new life.
Why all the fear and trepidation? Because we are alone now? Are some of you starting over with nothing after divorce? Can’t that be a good thing? Lots of folks take Solo Vacations. Surely there is some way to enjoy a Solo Life. Take it from me, it’s a mindset game. And it probably won’t happen overnight. But if we begin to think that way, anticipating good things, I am here to tell you that is exactly what will come to pass.
But again, that can only happen if we move out of our current mindset of fear.
Create a mental health self-care routine. Getting that overall perspective that time and distance provide. I hope this way of thinking will give you a sensible reason to move on. That will encourage you to turn your back on that Ex. The same way he has on you. Why did he cheat? It doesn’t matter. He decided to start over. And that meant leaving you behind. The relationship, the memories, the house. Every vestige of your life together. Yep, as mean as it sounds, that’s exactly what he did to you. I get the hurt. But the only way out of that is the decision for you to walk away, too. Heck, run for the hills! They’ve been waiting to share their glory and splendor with you. Breathe some new air. Look at a new horizon.
Birds are hatching and leaving the nest this time of year. Fearlessly flying to parts unknown. Perhaps there is a lesson there. This doesn’t mean you have to literally fly somewhere. Lately, that’s become a dicey option. There are a million ways to “fly.”
This year in Los Angeles, we had a lot of rain. But it wasn’t enough for our usual poppy “Super Bloom” season. My annual trek has been upended. Poppies only bloom during a short, three-month period beginning in March. This year, the Antelope Valley’s Poppy Reserve Camera has no fields of orange. I, too, will be searching for a new adventure. Much like I didn’t anticipate the ending of my long-term relationship, I never would’ve guessed there’d be a Spring devoid of poppies.
There is a bright side to this.
Because with very few tourists trampling the poppies, it gives the soil a chance to recover. It’s a chance for future renewal. A flourishing reason to look forward to.
Yet, here I am. A lady with no choice then to seek out some other adventure. A Renaissance Faire is starting up. Perhaps you will see me gobbling on one of the huge drumsticks they have every year. I hear there is a butterfly garden somewhere as well. No matter what, I will seek out new adventures. I enjoy solo adventures. Give one a try.
But this Easter weekend, it may be time to see some friends. To sit around a table and enjoy a special meal. I don’t know about you, but ever since I hit fifty, there are entire categories of goodies I can no longer consume. Entire categories of sustenance are off the menu.
Once it’s off the menu, a strange thing happens to your palate.
You just kind of forget about it. At least I have. This is something I never would have imagined during my “Salivating for Steak” years. Indian food? Adios. Salami or any sort of fatty sausages? Sayonara. And Garlic? What’s that? Oh, the thing that will live with me for at least a couple of days. And curry? That abandoned my tummy years ago after, let’s say, a very long night. That’s about the same time my palette also permanently split up with sour kraut. I can’t even stand the scent of it now.
Seemingly overnight, there cropped up entire categories of foods I refer to as the “So not worth it.” This started with any sort of meat that’s really fatty. Pork roast? Preposterous. Easter ham with a marble of fat? I’ll be trimming that away this year, hoping no one comments. If I do break down, the only thing that will be Risen is the bile going up my esophagus until the back of my throat feels sour.
A tablespoon of the Liverwurst I craved as a growing Youngster?
We haven’t even made eye contact for decades. But I can’t live a life of boiled chicken and white rice. What is left that won’t offend my esophagus? It appears I have been forcefully nudged by Mother Nature to at least partially become a Vegan.
Vegans say they can’t eat anything that “has eyes.” I get it, and as a lady of a certain age, I’m open to it. The yearly cholesterol blood check and all the rest are leading by the nose. I’ve gotten into preparing chickpea pasta. Guess what? I don’t hate it. I don’t know what has actually happened in Tummyland, but I know I’m not the only one who will be around the Easter table eating with discretion. Write in the comment section any healthy snack ideas for active women of a certain age with changing taste buds.
This single thing has led me to the best of both worlds.
Living my best Solo Life and gathering with friends for a selectively chosen Easter meal. It’s not all about the food. Camraderie is vitally important. It’s sharing my myriad single life adventures with my married couple friends. Yes, a few of those still exist. Because I no longer have to run what I feel like doing in the moment by anybody, I’ve had all types of New Life adventures. As time goes by, you will too. Enjoy all of your moments. We’ve been blessed to have them. Here’s wishing all of you fine ladies an “eggcellent” Easter!
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through the Leftat50.com website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together! And check out my book, “Restarting Your Life When You Are. No Longer A Wife” I wrote it just for you!