When he left, I felt the lights turn off. It was up to me to turn them back on. But was I ready? Staying in or going on was my choice. I’ve heard from many women who have remained in the shadows for far too long. From my own experience, I know it is a decision that should be spontaneously easy being single after 50. For whatever reason, it is not for some of us.
I think that’s especially true if the relationship ran through important decades of your life.
In my thirties, it meant working constantly to pay off debt and save for a house. In my forties it was making that first house I adored so much feel like a home. My very first house!
In my fifties, well, you know what happened. He left me at 50. But here you are in this tribe, starting your life over after divorce, so let’s make the most of it. These days, it’s only you so, what are you going to choose?
I had to choose to get out of the darkness.
To find my own light. There was a power surge in my life when he left. That’s what flicked the fuses off. I was alone, sitting in the dark. Even though I had the power to decide to change the fuses and get the lights on, I didn’t feel like it. I wanted to hide in the dark. Mostly, to simply be left alone. How ironic was that? I was left after all! Conundrum city. I was stuck there and I had to get out soon for my emotional healing after divorce.
I know you know how this feels. Some of you are in it right now as you read this. And I am here to tell you, it’s only a phase. Don’t get too scared and depressed. You are on your own journey and there are many phases to it.
One day you will choose to flick those switches on.
You will be tired of the darkness and actually crave the light again. To take steps for your mental health crisis. To plant some future life seeds. Watch them grow. Tend to your dreams instead of constantly pausing them so as not to overshadow your blossoming life. You Know Who You Are. No more feeding and watering that weed. Ha!
There’s no more of Him and his prickly leaves. None of his endless needs or constant ego nurturing and in the process diminishing yourself. Wasn’t that draining? I know. That little nag has been kicked to the curb as well. Things are looking up. You are intelligent and accomplished, with a message the World needs to hear. I am encouraging you to turn the fuses back on. Flip the switch!
Find the magnificent spotlight out there that’s been waiting for you to stand in it.
Women throughout history and even to this day are criticized for standing in their light. I feel a lot of this is aimed at American Women these days. I find it disturbing that we should go back to all of the unhealthy old ways of standing over a stove in a kitchen. As if we should stay with a cheating mate like it’s the fifties. It’s 2025.
We are too intelligent and capable to stagnate.
How to get started? Here’s a bit of my own experience as a Lady of a Certain Age getting out there with gusto, as opposed to sheepish baby steps.
In my own life, I have realized, that if I put my unique life-path question out into the world, the answer always finds me. Sometimes it leads me to the event or opportunity that ends up giving me the answer. To literally anything. A health question, or perhaps the best next step to self-realization. I shout or whisper it out into the ether. Or I write it out in a journal. What I don’t do is merely keep it in my head as a thought that I shove aside. There is no more of that.
Because all of our thoughts are valid!
Whatever it is. There is no notion of what would make us happy that we cannot explore. In whatever way we are comfortable with. Who cares if I take a yoga class and can bend over and only reach my knees while others effortlessly touch their toes? That’s what my instructor is for. I will get there. I needn’t judge myself on day one or either on month three.
The point is I continue showing up. Afterwards, I always feel lighter. That’s the fun of interacting with like-minded people who don’t judge me. This is what you can find when you step out into the world. Guess what? There are a lot of nice people. Some of them will even teach you yoga at your pace with the patience of a Saint. They’ll provide the best fitness routines for women over 50.
We’ve been living in a house with a mean man believing his silent judgment.
He didn’t even have to say it after a while. The disparagement lived on its own inside the walls of our houses, like ugly wallpaper. That is not a home. A loving abode of comfort and support. We needed to get out. And when he left us, well, hallelujah! Even if we don’t feel that way at first. We come around eventually. A lightness of being. An actual feeling of hope. We begin to make plans for self-improvement or travel. We have reached the age where we don’t need to run anything by anybody.
Sign up for that trip, that tour, that dream that’s been stuck in your head forever. Buy yourself a crystal. See what that does for you.
The spring light shines through a crystal on my windowsill and reflects a prism. It got me thinking. This simple light reveals that there is a secret in all things. Even a rock. Even, perhaps, in each of us.
But unless we let some light in, our hearts and minds remain imprisoned.
The Solitary Confinement of past hurts, memories, and emotional punches make us want to keep our eyes closed to life. We fear opening them will lead to more heartache.
It’s okay, I’ve done some time in that voluntary slammer myself. I actually got kind of comfortable there, in the stone-cold silence of my own heart. I was sure there was nothing more for me.
But I was the one handing down my life sentence.
Luckily, I got totally sick of it after a while. Lonely, and tired of this drab prison. I knew there was more out there for me.
I only needed to get out into my new life and search out that Prism. All the facets of myself that I had abandoned all those decades ago. Now was the time to stand in the sunlight and explore them anew. That new colorful version of this middle-aged me. I took better care of myself. Smiled as much as I felt like, but even a bit more than I felt like. I was a bit out of practice at that.
I started dressing in the colors of my favorite jewels.
Amethyst, Turquoise, Garnet, Emerald. My prism! The light inside of me needed to come out. Because I needed to share it, with all of you. I needed to help you too.
Make a run for it!
Break out. Break free. That prism is waiting for you. You will know it when you see it.
Be the girl with Kaleidoscope eyes!
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through the Leftat50.com website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together! And check out my book, “Restarting Your Life When You Are. No Longer A Wife” I wrote it just for you!