After being left by my Ex, I wasted a lot of my fresh alone hours looking back instead of forward. This was no way to live. I ended up inventing a technique I call, “Soft Attention.” Because not every single one of my thoughts and feelings from that time needed to be decided, judged, or solved. The relationship was over, and it truly didn’t matter anymore.
By not letting everything occupy the front page of my brain, I could put it aside by blurring it a bit. Moving it to a different section of that old-fashioned thing we used to call the daily newspaper. This way, I could recognize the feelings that were there without stopping my forward motion for that day.
Like, let’s say I found something from my relationship days. I would acknowledge it and then release it. Not to avoid feeling, but more importantly, not to stay in moments long past.
The present moment, this day is the one we are living. Make it a great one. Satisfy a need. Achieve a goal or create a new one for the future.
Of course, I don’t tell any woman what to do. There will be days when you need to look at that past moment. Perhaps in the reliving, you will gain new insights about back then, based on who you are now. That has value. But it’s better not to let those kinds of memories, emotions, and thoughts take up residence in your current day-to-day existence.
Next time one of those intrusive thoughts appears, try paying “soft attention” to it. Don’t let it come into crystal clear focus. Push it out of the main screen of your brain. Perhaps put it in a “file” to peruse later. Or never. In this way, I learned to stay in the now, move forward, and accomplish many things I never thought I could. It’s a great technique to begin today if you are batting your wings in the air, but not flying.
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!