There is nothing wrong with taking a “My entire life has changed” pause.
When there is a magnificent rainstorm and you see it through your window, that is one thing. But, when you step outside onto your porch, you need a second to get your bearings before you go out into the rain. You need to make sure your keys are in your hand, your umbrella needs to be opened. You need to prepare yourself to head out into the unknown storm.
And when you are left at 50, there is a pause that is needed. Because we feel like we are leaving a storm and entering into another storm. We don’t know.
We need a little time to get our bearings. And there is nothing wrong with that. If you were recently left and everyone’s asking you, “What’re you gonna do? Are you gonna divorce him? Sell the house? Get your own place? Are you already in an apartment? What’re you gonna do with all of the belongings that you left?” Or if he left, they ask: “What are you going to do with all of his stuff?”
All of those things take time. You can take the time to get your bearings because your entire world as you knew it for decades has been upended. Don’t let other people push you into doing things while you are still getting your bearings. Sure-footedness into an entirely new life situation is a mental and physical upheaval that those who have never been through it cannot even fathom.
The term, “Getting your bearings” is a bit misleading. It infers that all at once in a millisecond it all comes together and we are fine. In most cases, that’s simply not true. Just as the unravelling was a process, so is the getting your bearings part.
If you are not totally there now, that is perfectly okay.
Don’t push yourself to feel “normal” and question your own emotions. Three hundred and sixty-five days a year for several decades, you had a life you thought you were certain of.
You didn’t even really think about it because all was right in your world and it was second nature.
Now it’s not. Everything is on you now. Every decision you make from here on out, is for you and you alone. No consulting with him about your future. He is off on a journey of his own and whatever that holds for him has nothing at all to do with you.
We are strong, intelligent women who have had our hearts stomped on by the man we trusted the most. Take your time if you need to. But guess what? If the very first place you move into is not your thing, you can move. It’s that simple. Adjustments are exactly that. The sense of permanence we thought we had is different now.
Maybe we will surprise ourselves and actually crave the temporariness of being a renter! Of not having permanent roots right now. Of letting ourselves have a new experience and deciding if it is our new thing or not!
There is actually in many ways, alot less stress in this new life situation. Relax. It’s going to be alright. Just as you adjusted to being a wife, a mother, an employee, a grandmother, a PTA mom, the Vice President of your firm, you will also adjust to this new life.
Survivors unite! My dear Leftat50’s, we all know these feelings. And we all survived them. Deep breaths, small steps, the release of the pain, it is all part of the journey of getting our bearings.
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!