Is your Ex the Master of the Non-apology apology?” Don’t know what that concept is? Let me explain. The Non-Apology Apology puts the notion that they need to apologize to us on us. In other words, we only want the apology because we are nuts. Not because something horrible was done to us by them.
In their minds, they have not done any act that requires them to say the word “sorry.” My theory on this is the obvious one. They are not “sorry” at all. They are thrilled or perfectly jolly on the daily and don’t see why that warrants any apology. Apologies are bummers. An admission of wrongdoing. Why must we bring them down and make them feel bad? We have no right to be confused or upset.
But what we are looking for is an apology for what they did to us. Prior to their current glorious lives. That whole they left thing.
Most likely cheated on us and then walked out the door to the freedom to be anyone they want to be. This means prior to leaving, they also lied to us. About where they were, why they were out so late, and why they were in fact, never around when we needed them. That whole crazy thing!
Certainly, we must be out of our minds to think we deserve an explanation, let alone an apology. “What is wrong with you?” they demand. “Just because you wasted years of your precious life perplexed by what was going on, and I never had the balls to sit you down and tell you does not warrant an apology. We’re all good now. You weren’t happy anyway. Let it go, Lady!”
We shake our heads and stop waiting for a call or a text, or any more communication from them. Unless it’s some object we bought together that they suddenly can’t live without. Yes Ladies, don’t you know? We are supposed to let go of all emotional feelings and all physical belongings they require. We don’t get to have any needs, or for that matter, no “wants” either! What is wrong with us? Don’t we realize we get nothing and they get it all? Oh, and we should not be angry or bitter, or even mildly annoyed about it. That is not cool, Ladies! We should give them a big, toothy grin and a higher-pitched pleasant, “goodbye” like we just took a hit of helium.
In other words, we should be exactly how they want us to be and not at all as we are. But then they leave for good. Finally! Yay! Because at least for me, once I let go of his creepy ass for good, I didn’t care about the apology. That point becomes irrelevant. As did all of his future actions, none of which I cared about any longer.
Only my own happiness became relevant. What a glorious relief that is! I can wake up and say, “Do I feel happy right now?” Usually, the answer is yes. But if it’s not, I’m only mildly annoyed or out of sorts. It’s temporary and I can easily change the mood of my own volition. A hot shower. Some yoga moves, deep breaths, and a cup of coffee. What a simple solution to that minor dilemma.
Times have changed, and so have we. Let’s head out to the rest of our lives. But first, rip up that non-apology apology notion and throw it into the wind,
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!