As you continue Blazing Your New Trail into the Next Phase of your New You Life, there may be random thoughts that pop up. Thoughts like, “Maybe I should just give up and run back to my Old Life.” What? Huh? After all You’ve Been Through? Why?
We always think of paths as things that move us forward. But some days are just hard, right? Self-doubt, tough decisions, it can be stressful. Focus on your benefits of practicing self-kindness. And even though most days we are happy, our lives have taken a path away from the loveless life; sometimes we wonder what would happen if we turned around. Took the path back. Wouldn’t that be easier than coping with all this “newness”?
Didn’t the Scarecrow in the Wizard of Oz tell the confused Dorothy that “Some people do go both ways” as he pointed forward and back?
It’s crazy, this thought of going back thing, but not exactly for the obvious reasons. Not because he’s left you, so there’s no Old Life to go back to. That’s too obvious. The main reason there’s no going back is You. Your emotional healing after divorce is happening. You’re not the same woman you were before. Living in pain, anger, doubt, and fear. Your new, awesome self is way passed that, or on your way to being so. These days, you wake up feeling hopeful instead of harassed and diminished. You know how to find your joy.
So beware the urge to look back. Turn your head around and face the future. The one of your own making. When you do, you’ll feel a smile inside. Because “There’s no place like (Your New Happy) Home.” Today happens to be International Self-Care Day. It encourages us to carve out time for health and wellness.
If you have recently been left at 50, or any other age, and are trying to reclaim your life, you need to know this. A) You are not alone, and B) This breakup isn’t about Him anymore, it’s about You.
A new life with no more wondering where he is at 2 a.m., or why he’s sleeping in a different bedroom, and a million other details that are too exhausting to go through right now.
Now is not the time for all of that. Not on Self Care Day. Because I know how it feels to be a woman who’s been walked out on, and at first, we can only do a thing or two at a time. But this will pass, and you will come to realize there’s a whole new life to create. I find it’s less overwhelming to take baby steps and practice self-compassion.
So, first of all, get up off the floor, either literally or figuratively. Get. Up. You are an awesome woman with a lot to offer. How about you offer it to Yourself for once? Finally, you get to ask, “What makes Me happy?” Not, “What does he want for dinner?” It’s time to ask, “How am I feeling today?” Instead of, “I wonder if he took his blood pressure medicine?” The caretaking of him is over. The caretaking of ourselves gets to begin Right Now. Today is the perfect day to learn how to do that.
Sit with yourself and think about this. What can you do to make yourself feel better? Today. Now. This Week. This Month. This Year. When was the last time you did that? Hmmm, can’t remember, huh? Well, there’s a gift of this break-up right there! Invest in yourself. Just You, thinking about what You can do to feel happy. I actually sat down and made a list. Some of it was crazy (Go to the Moon, Tattoo my lips so I never need to buy lipstick ever again, etc.), and some of it was simple. Like getting a manicure. Taking care of yourself is not selfish.
I had fallen down so hard I had stopped doing even simple things like that in my quest to figure out the impossible – why was he leaving me?
The Real Reason, not the Avoid My Eyes and Mumble Something Reason. I had to let that go. I had to. And you should also. Please dispense with the Berating Yourself Phase and get to the Little Things That Make You Smile No Matter How Silly Phase. Your life is your own now. That is not a sad thing. The hell you were living in and the disrespect you were putting up with – THAT was a bad thing.
I came up with a slogan that helped me cope with this difficult transition. I put it on a Post-it and I stuck it to my bathroom mirror. It said, “Treat Yourself Gently.” I hope you do.
The following is something I found on a site called LifeBuzz, written by Marc and Angel. I thought it really pertained to all of us Leftat50s. The original list is 30 things, but it’s a lot to take in, so I’m starting with the first 10 and will list the others in the near future.
1. Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you. You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot. Never, ever bind yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people who stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you at your worst that are your true friends.
2. Stop running from your problems. Face them head-on. No, it won’t be easy. There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them. We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems. That’s not how we’re made. In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble, and fall. Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over time. This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become.
3. Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself. Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.
4. Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much and forgetting that you are special too. Yes, help others, but help yourself too. If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now.
5. Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, or younger, but they will never be you. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself, and the right people will love the real you.
6. Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one.
7. Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing. Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is a step towards success. You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did.
8. Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure: mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us. We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past. But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future. Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come.
9. Stop trying to buy happiness.-Many of the things we desire are expensive. But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter, and working on our passions.
10. Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either. You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else.
I hope this is helpful to you all in some way. XOXO
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through the Leftat50.com website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, ‘Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)?’ Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together! And check out my book, “Restarting Your Life When You Are. No Longer A Wife,” I wrote it just for you!