While walking this morning, there on the sidewalk were several different kinds of empty nests that had been blown out of their perches by the fierce wind. I carefully examined the twigs, feathers, and dried grasses that held these delicate abodes together.
How beautiful these one-of-a-kind habitats were. Part of me wanted to pick them up and take them home, but I knew the act of lifting them would destroy them. Such was their delicate nature. Mother Nature would take them now.
The upheavals of our Leftat50 lives are like those once carefully tended nests.
We are no longer their caretakers because of our emotional healing after divorce. It’s a strange feeling. All of those years, painting, polishing, and landscaping to mold a house into a home. Each one of those twigs represents a memory. Perhaps we started out in a tiny nest, and as our lives went on, we afforded a larger one with more windows and doors. Doors to enter and exit, windows to look out at the world and observe it from a safe distance. We created the perfect space for what was once a comfortable life with another. It was way more than four walls and a roof over your head. It was a representation of your life’s work. A life you created and living life to the fullest.
But what happened one day? Someone left the door open! The Outside World blew in, with its dirt and dead leaves. It quickly covered everything! There was no cleaning this up! We could scrub and clean and polish all we wanted to, but it would never be the bastion of order and safety it once was.
We had to move on. And this time, we had to build a place all by ourselves that could still make us feel cared for, loved, and safe. This was not second nature. We developed a new habit, building a new life. It took a long time to adapt to a change we didn’t expect, but had to right ourselves from. We had to overcome setbacks. And we did, and these days, we can easily identify the right twig to take home with us.
We get used to saying a sentence we never thought we’d say again ever: “Come see my new place!”
This sentence may take a long time to get comfortable saying. To really feel happy about proclaiming. Believe me, I choked my way through it for a few years. Yep, years. So if you have this sentence still stuck in your throat, give yourself a break. Starting over isn’t easy.
You know, birds don’t migrate looking back for their nests once nesting season is over. They fly away and deal with it. Have you ever come upon a weeping bird? Nope. Those feather-brained creatures sing no matter what!! Even when they take off, they have no idea where they will land!
They don’t try to map the sky.
They just know they have to go.
I came home from my morning constitution and took a look around. A realization hit. I reside in life-affirming, soul-expanding quarters which reflect who I am today! So, there’s no reason to panic when you fall out of the old nest and land stunned for a few minutes; just trust that you will recover and the wind will carry you exactly where you need to be to thrive, sing, and be. Think of it as the fulfillment of new feathers.
Your Ex-Husband is not the person who “got away” from you. You are the one who got away. Remember the feeling of being in that dying relationship? You are the fortunate Escapee who has regained her freedom, life, and ability to make any plans she wants. Just think of that. Don’t think of yourself as the person who was left. Try this positive mindset.
Think of yourself as the person who was freed!
Embrace this concept. Know that days are waiting for you to tell them what will happen. What exciting new adventure will take place? What post-pandemic/post-breakup experiences are sitting there on idle, waiting for you to experience them?
The hundreds of days ahead are anticipating the very best life has to offer. Don’t you see their hopeful faces smiling at you from the calendar? Choose the things that bring simple joys.
June gloom has run off, and July is like an ocean holding out her hand as if to say, “Come in! The water’s fine!”
I believe that like attracts like, and if I am willing to try new things, they will appear in my sphere of existence. I think the same may be true for you, too. Of course, you must step outside your door first.
Think about that as you fill out your “what’s left of summer” calendar of enthusiasm, with each day of the week chomping at the bit to provide you some much-needed fun. Maybe the fireworks this July won’t only be in the sky.
After all the clashes involved in the ending of a marriage, there is a feeling of overwhelm when once out in the world. One realizes the conflict that living requires.
Those first steps of independence are often met with resistance by the new strangers you must interact with. The mean realtor sells the cute condo you wanted to buy to someone else. Call and tell her off? A new neighbor plays loud music at all hours. Confront or say nothing and buy some earplugs? But I encourage you to embrace challenges.
Getting through life as a single woman with no bad encounters is not a question I ever considered after I was Leftat50.
But it arose every single day. I had to learn how to deal with it in a way that caused me no harm. People in the world are not so nice to a mature woman, it turns out. That realization was a huge disappointment. And it’s not because there were no jerky neighbors or idiot accountants when I was coupled up. It was part of the emotional overload. Besides all the conflict in my gut, heart, and mind that needed resolving, there was this new outside force called The World With Just Me In It From Now On. Was that scary? Yes. Did I magically have dynamo conflict resolution skills to deal with the new jerks in my world? Nope.
It’s all turned out okay.
There are also strangers in this world who reach out a hand, offer a hug, beam the world’s brightest smile at you for no reason other than they are nice.
The conflicts with jerks now roll off my back. Those uglies happen for two seconds, and then both parties go on their way. I don’t have to sleep next to them that night, back to back, not speaking!
Adjusting to the conflict that living requires takes a little time, but the perks outweigh everything else. Don’t be discouraged. Keep smiling and keep moving. Trust me, that always disarms a jerk.
So this Fourth of July and beyond, celebrate the newfound World of Independence you have now entered. Even if it was not the way you could have ever predicted it would be. Your independence now affords you the life you always wanted. The only thing you need to do is decide. Then take the actions to make your new life the best ever.
As fireworks go off in the sky, allow some dreams to explode in your imagination. It’s time for some “Oohs and Ahhs.”
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through the Leftat50.com website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, ‘Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)?’ Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together! And check out my book, “Restarting Your Life When You Are. No Longer A Wife,” I wrote it just for you!