Are you choosing the darkness when you know where the sun is? Right after being left, you may feel very exposed just walking the world. You may feel like an open wound that everyone can see. Even though in fact you are an open wound, not everyone can see that. But sometimes we can’t get that through our heads so we isolate. Our wounds are too fresh and they need to heal. This is where we reach a crucial fork in the road. Are we going to take a path towards sunshine? Are we going to take a path that leads to darkness? An open field or a creepy forest?
For myself, I first chose the creepy forest. For some reason hiding felt good.
When I was hiding, I was really feeling my pain. When out in the world, I felt like I was putting on a mask of happiness to make others comfortable.
Now I can see it was a little of both. And that both were paths I needed to explore at that time.
In the middle of the healing, I jumped from one path to another. Staying in the familiar darkness sometimes, crossing out into the sunshine for others.
I needed to discover what that felt like as just me, and not as part of a couple. Not as part of that melded relationship that everyone I knew in the entire world came to expect. He was this way, and I was that way. And A + B equaled C.
Now I have to be my A game, and to do that I have been pressuring myself to choose the path. “Choose the right path Diane, don’t blow this again!.” “Not getting any younger lady, blah, blah blah.” “Where in hells bells are you headed lady!” “Choose.” “That.” “Path!”
Thank God I didn’t listen to my newly left self’s incessant criticism. All of that nonsence was an echo of You-Know-Who.
In the end, “My Senses” got straight and I realized I didn’t have to choose a path ahead, I had to “make” one.
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!