Nothing is more frustrating then opening the washer to find a billion bits of the Kleenex you left in a pocket spread over an entire load of freshly washed clothes. Uhhhhh! You’d think I’d learn to check every pocket every time but I don’t. There ‘s always a stray pocket I didn’t consider, like pajama bottoms pockets. Who checks those? I try repeatedly to forgive myself as I load the tissue-flaked clothes into the dryer, knowing that it will also be a mess and afterwards I will have to shake out every item of clothing off my fourth floor balcony.
I call it my “Sorry I Didn’t Know” shower.
It’s infuriating how one seemingly trivial thing can cause havoc. That’s how the remnants of a long relationship are. Emotions which were once full blown blankets of terror, frustration, hurt, anger, and fear have disassembled themselves. Such is the way of time.
It’s a long process, isn’t it? First the emotional break-up. Then the physical separating forever. Experiencing your life alone for the first time in a long time. Dealing with everything on your own and finally believing you can and will get through it. Piece by piece we shred the terrifying feeling that we can’t survive this.
Time marches on and so do we. These days sometimes literally. Taking a stand for ourselves and others, we find that isolation is not what we thought it would be. So we stand tall and step out into the world, a human among humans with a lot to offer.
Who knew in those dark days that we would become the shoulder someone else could cry on?
But then we do the laundry and find that pocketful of errant emotions all over everything. A series of wrinkled questions buzz through our heads. “What caused this? How do I deal with the imperfection of so much I hold dear? It seems what I thought was 100% my own and perfect is still ruined! Haven’t I been through enough?”
Here’s the huge difference between our static clung thoughts back then compared to now. “It’s not completely ruined, it’s fixably ruined.”
“Fixably ruined?” What kind of made up term is that? It is something that perfectly describes where I am somedays. Everything I knew is gone and I feel a panic in the back of my heart. It sticks to all of my Future Diane plans and pulls me back into thinking that everything is still ruined. Enough years have passed now and I know I can fix myself. I don’t psychoanalyze this state of being anymore. I acknowledge it and shake it off my psyche. It shakes off easily and it’s not such a big deal after all.
And life goes on.
When you realize that you still don’t feel right after the marriage is over, perhaps it’s because you are keeping the residues of those old feelings in your back pocket. Time to double check and avoid an emotional laundry disaster.
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!