The image you project affects how others see you. Do you evaluate your “me” costume these days? Does it accurately reflect who you really are in your life?
Right after I was left, I really had no idea how I was coming off to the outside world. Too wounded to think about it, I was living so inside my head I wasn’t aware of what was happening on the outside. I could have cared less. As years have passed and I feel I am healing, I am more aware of my “Me” costume and make sure it gives off the right image.
“Here’s a little something to clarify: If someone were to wear a “You” costume today, what would it look like? Take a long, honest look at yourself.”
What mannerisms would someone use to come off the way you do? Would they walk slightly hunched over? What kind of clothes would they wear? Would they be fashion-forward or horribly behind? Would they be wearing makeup? Have styled hair? Or is that not your thing these days? Would they use their hands when they talk? Or furrow a brow? Whisper or talk loud?
I am pointing this out to you for a very important reason. This is a major issue that will most assuredly have a major impact on your life. I know because I’ve lived it.
When the world you had crafted for yourself with your Ex has been destroyed, it is very easy to spend a lot of time in your head. The many questions, doubts, self-blame, and hateful emotions can go on for years. Thoughts we can’t share with anyone else. It’s all part of it.
I feel it’s imperative that we all take a minute to evaluate ourselves as an outsider would. Perhaps someone who hasn’t seen us since the split. Who doesn’t know or care about the tears and heartache.
Who is the new “Outside You” that you are showing the world? How is She different from the “Inside You”? Are you still carrying around the “Left You?” When you need to be the “Social You?” Are there remnants of last weekend’s “Binge-Watching” you still attached to the “Doing a Big Presentation You?”
I bet you are reading this and thinking this entire way of thinking seems like a lot of work and self-evaluation. It seems crazy-making! My Dear Leftat50’s, I would never do that to you! You are in for a big, stress-relieving surprise.
I think it is perfectly normal to be these different yous, (Emphasis on the word “Perfect”).
Because it is important at this stage of our lives to try on different versions of our Newfound Selves. There is no need to consolidate every one of our new personas just yet. We can take as long as we want to be comfortable in this identity we are crafting for ourselves. No longer teenagers, no longer a “Mrs.,” we are teaching ourselves a new way to be whoever we want to be. How exciting is that?
Yes, the marriage ending in a hurtful way knocked us on our behinds for a time. But the rebranding of ourselves has been an empowering mid-life gift that we never saw coming.
Now when I head out into the world every day, I take an extra look in the mirror. If I want a more fulfilling and exciting world for myself, I look for Enthusiastic Diane in the mirror. Is she there today? Can she be? Because I never want to go back to the Dark Days of Emotional Battery that I lived through with The Ex. I glance into my own eyes to make sure I’m not treating myself less than kindly from the inside. Once I make that decision, I know my inner psyche’s lipstick is on straight and it’s going to be a great day for all of my Dianes.
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together! And check out my book, “Restarting Your Life When You Are. No Longer A Wife” I wrote it just for you!