You are seeing the world so differently now, aren’t you? It’s as if your eyes have changed color. That’s how I felt too. I guess it’s because I had kind of been shielding myself from the world. I was living in a dark place, and was mainly focused on all the negatives. All the things that were going wrong that I knew I couldn’t change. If I’d really turned the lights on in my life at that time, I would not have been happy with what I saw. And I knew that. I lived in a dark corner of my mind. Sometimes noticing what he was up to, and sometimes ignoring it because I didn’t want to know. The late nights. The sleeping with one ear cocked. Looking for his headlights to turn into the driveway. Or the sound of the garage door.
Then he got smart. He started parking in the driveway or on the street in front of our house so the loud garage door wouldn’t wake me. That way I’d have less ammo in the morning. None of that fooled me, of course. It really just made things worse. But that was my world then.
I’m so glad that is no longer the case. I don’t always sleep amazingly, but even on my tossing and turning nights I don’t feel that anxiety. That deep ache in the pit of my stomach.
Because now I get to figure out my own challenges. I get to look at the big picture if I want, or at the tiny minutiae if I want. That in itself is such a relief. Because now that he’s gone for good, my unknowns are fixable. Simply by making a choice. Go here, do that, change this. What a wonderful and empowering way to spend a sleepless night.
And those are becoming fewer and fewer now. And I know they will continue to do so.
So see your new world. Pick your spot on the map, and get going. Your shielding days are over. You don’t need ammo in your gun. Light up your dark corners. You can change anything. Have a good night’s sleep tonight. Because now, you can even see your dream world differently!
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!