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What Was, What Is, and What You Deserve

When you are licking your wounds over the demise of a long-term relationship, (even one that ended horribly), a weird thing can happen… Instead of thinking “good riddance” or “I’m so happy to be free of him,” you may find yourself looking back and thinking of all The Happy Times. You know, that romantic anniversary, or that inside joke you both always cracked up about. The Fun Couple Things that you know are forever gone, at least as far as your Ex is concerned. You may start to think that you will never have that with anyone else. It seems nearly impossible to find “that thing” when you’ve been Left at 50. Because that shared-life-stuff grows out of years of really knowing someone. All those little moments added up to your intimate shared experiences. The ones that were Your Life As You Knew It. And now it’s over. It’s difficult to think back to that early part of your relationship, before everything changed. I get it. The thing is, everything DID change. And that sucks for sure. But you must believe me that over time, you will CHOOSE to get rid of “The Way-Back Machine” that’s stuck in your mind right now. It’s not impossible to have that kind of relationship again in the future. You are a smart woman and you know that. But it’s a weird space to find yourself in, realizing the Past is Past and The Future is Unknown. Try not to panic over this state of reality. Know that you are not the only Woman of a Certain Age to feel this way. A lot of my friends tried to cheer me up by saying, “You can build your own life now!” and they didn’t realize what a terrifying statement that was at the time. Just overwhelming. I wish I had the easy answer to steady your nerves right now. I do know that, when I felt lost, I’d ask myself, “What would make you happy Right Now?” Call a friend? Go to a movie? Walk your dog? Buy a new dress? The main thing is to do something other than Pine for The Past, or Worry About the Future. You are an amazing woman, you will figure out your life in time. You know that. It’s natural to mourn a loss, but the thing about loss is, it’s gone. He’s gone. And he’s never coming back. You’re a Big Girl now and you will build that New Life for yourself. Focus on that on those tough days, and Dream Big. Write a Wish List of all the fun things you want to do now that you are free. Just making the list is fun! And as you actually DO those things, check them off the list. Feel yourself moving forward into your new You – the one who deserves to be happy again. The one who is confident that each day you ARE getting happier, and you DESERVE it!

We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!

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