One of the weird things that happened to me after being left was that I developed this “Perfect House” affliction. I wanted every nook and cranny of my living space to be picture perfect. Because when I was alone in my new space, I felt constricted – like I couldn’t BREATHE. So, I arranged all the clothes in my closet by color. (That shot an entire Saturday!) I actually tried on every sock in my sock drawer, paired them up and arranged them according to color. Same with my shoes, and my panty drawer. It was odd really. REALLY ODD. While in my relationship, I’d been SO resentful about always having to handle all the keeping house stuff. Now, here I was alone, where I could make the biggest mess I wanted. But instead I was OCD-ing everything in site. Why? Was a towel gonna care if it was on the bathroom floor? Was a sheet gonna get pissed if it wasn’t tucked into the mattress with “hospital corners”? Of course not. I realize now I was obsessing over this minutia because my real life was so chaotic. It was overwhelming being single and alone after so long, that the color coded shoes in my closet set my head and heart at ease somehow. It was something in my life I could be in total control of, since I was too scared to actually LEAVE my bedroom and LIVE. I realize now that putting my “nest” in order was really just me figuring out some huge life questions. “Will I ever fit into these 10-year-old jeans” wasn’t really the issue. The real issue was holding on to things that no longer fit. Those jeans symbolized my relationship. I kept hoping I could change myself enough to make it fit again. For both of us. But the empty hangers where his clothes once hung were a sure sign that this was wrong thinking. So, when I was feeling stronger and more confident, I gave those old clothes away. I took down his empty hangers. I put my favorite dress on, looked in the mirror, and smiled at the New Me. I can stop holding my breath now. I can let go of all that loss, and embrace the change to come. It won’t all be perfect. But that’s okay with me now.
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!