This morning, while walking my dog,🐶 I distinctly felt the uncomfortableness of knowing I had a pebble in my shoe. 👟 I could feel it there under my left foot, but I didn’t want to take the time to take my shoe off and deal.
So I just kept walking.
Block after block that annoying pebble kept rolling around with every step. There are no sidewalks in my neighborhood, so I convinced myself the best course of action was not to take the chance and do the two-second tiny thing that would easily solve the problem.
“I don’t want to get my foot dirty.” “God knows what’s on the road.” “What if a car hits me?” On and on with the unlikely scenarios with each step more painful than the last.
“Are you reading this and thinking, “That chick is nuts?” Or are you reading this and thinking, “I get it. Makes perfect sense.”
Or maybe both. Because sometimes in life, as in relationships, we just refuse to do the easy, obvious thing, and do absolutely nothing instead. Too much trouble.
That’s how I stayed in a loveless relationship for much longer than I ever should have. And I can never undo that. Looking back, it seems like such a shame, that choice of mine. For couldn’t I have blown up the entire fake relationship thing and restarted my life at least a full decade sooner than I did?
Why did I just keep walking through the discomfort? Why did I convince myself this was the new normal? I know now it wasn’t normal at all.😜
What’s scarier still is that this morning’s inaction proves there is still that martyr woman living inside me. With all of my hindsight, and surety that I’m a new woman who knows better now, something is still “a little off.”
This hung in the back of my mind all day. Why am I so quick to find a fault in my own psyche? I came to a revelatory conclusion about my pebble problem: I want that pebble to stay there as a reminder. As a warning. That bit of uncomfortable needs to represent the big uncomfortable things I lived with for so long. Huge, huge inappropriate situations with the Ex. My suffering in silence when words could have been used. When actions could have been taken!
Thinking in this manner isn’t healthy. I’m a grown woman and should live with my decisions and go on with my day. I should do the most obvious and easiest thing and make my path smoother.
I came up with a little saying for myself:
“Never hobble on purpose.”
In other words, don’t let the mini-martyr who lives in my head have her way. Because I know now that leads to a painful journey. And I’ve been there, done that and deserve to do the little things that make each of my newly-single days the exquisite ones I deserve!💫
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!