What do I mean when I say, “Don’t act on your first re-action?”
I mean that how you react and how you respond to this hurtful situation do not have to be the same things. And if you truly want to be free and have the entire relationship out of your mind for real and forever, then you have to stop reacting at all. Let me give you an example. You hear something about your Ex that angers you. Let’s say the two of you had always planned to go to Hawaii, and then he leaves you for a younger woman and the FIRST THING he does is take HER to Hawaii. This, by the way, is a very common thing that men do. A version of this happened to me. And I thought that he was doing this TO ME on purpose. That was my reaction. How did I respond? I did nothing. Did I want to respond in some really angry way? Yes! Did I want to express my hurt to him? Did I want to REMIND him that that was supposed to be “our thing?” Yes!!! Did I? No! So you see, I reacted but did not respond to my feelings in a way that WOULD ONLY GET ME HURT FURTHER. He, on the other hand, would still be going to Hawaii.
If you are recently left, or about to be and you know it, then you are most definitely in the reacting and responding mode. You want to throw every single thing in his face. If you waste your energy doing this, you will only end up MADDER. You will only be HURTING WORSE than before you said anything. I’m not telling you what to do. I’m just telling you that I’ve been there and I know these feelings and I’m telling you to let it go. I guarantee you that if you do take this course of action he will not even respond to you. What he is doing with the New Girl is where his life is now. He most likely is not doing anything to YOU. He has moved on. I know you are mad. But I learned by horrible trial and error how being confrontational about every little thing he is doing now is only going to make you sick. Physically sick. Headaches or backaches or skin stuff or stomach stuff. Been there, dry-heaved that. Been there, heat-packed that. Don’t be me.
If you still must react in some way, like calling a girlfriend to vent, then do that. But I warn you that very soon even your girlfriends will stop taking your calls. You start to sound like a broken record. Because you are a broken record. Don’t do that to them. Don’t do that to yourself. You are too awesome of a woman! Take the focus off of him and please, please, put it onto yourself. You are a good person. And you know you can also be an extremely happy person. You just must look to yourself now. You must sigh a big sigh of relief that he is gone instead of making another angry phone call (that he doesn’t take) or writing an angry email (that he doesn’t read because he’s already changed his email).
So take your hand away from the angry flame that will only burn you, and instead make yourself a wonderful souffle.
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!