“No one knows what it’s like to feel these feelings/Like I do/And I blame you.” – “Behind Blue Eyes” The Who
It’s been awhile since I was left and as I’ve shared with you, lately some sadness, panic and general melancholy have set in. As I’ve been sitting in this puddle of pain, I knew I had to get out. It’s a new year, and I’m in my new life, and basically, enough of this already. The lyrics above speak to this and sum it up in four words, “And I blame you.” For how can any of us move on if somewhere in the back, behind the smile, and the new clothes and the daily affirmations we are still blaming him for the things that maybe aren’t working perfectly. The life stuff we are still not on top of all the time. The challenges of life we deal with by ourselves now.
I now believe that the best new years resolution I can make to myself is to stop blaming him. No matter how warranted it may be. Because blaming does nothing to change my life. It’s just a negative thought in my head. And I don’t need to keep feeding myself negative thoughts. It will get me nowhere. Now is the time to keep going, keep experimenting, keep trying new things. Fun things. Do you see that word, “fun”? Activities that make me smile. That open my mind to art, or music, or outdoor group events.
I urge you to right now today, look for things you can do that are new. Things you know you would really enjoy trying. And then do them. For me, I recognize that staying in action, i.e. doing more than just leaving my house for work or grocery shopping is how I will rebuild my life. Putting myself out there. Even if every new experience is not a home run, perhaps I’ll get a funny story to relay to someone else. I think we all get an emotional boost by doing new things. The hardest thing is just planning to do them!
I’m not letting anything stop me this year. I’m going to be, and go and do. So that I can feel new feelings. I can stop looking back. So when I look in the mirror in 2016, the only thing behind my smile, will be another smile. And I can blame myself for that!
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!