“You can run, you can pretend to be dead, or you can make yourself bigger. So if you’re my stature, you stand on a chair and bang a pan and scream and shout as if you’re going to attack a bear. This is my go-to strategy.” – Amy Poehler
After my relationship ended, I kept myself small. And even now, I feel myself doing that from time to time. Insignificant me. And I know I do this partly because when my relationship was dying, and I was living in the House of Silence and Resentment, it felt like the only thing that I could do. He wouldn’t talk. At all. If I attempted Relationship Conversation, he would leave the house, or just remain silent.
His unwillingness to discuss anything should have made me angry, right? Shouldn’t I have screamed at him to try to get some answers? What was going on? Was it over? Could we try counseling? Was he having a break-down? He was cheating on me. Was he going to marry her or was this a mid-life crises?
None of these questions were asked or answered. I, as Amy points out, chose the “pretend to be dead” option. I kept myself small, quiet, off to the side. Alone in bed at 2 a.m. wondering where he was. Even though I knew. I knew exactly where he was. Those. Silent. Mornings. They were so painful. There was no, “Where were you last night?” “Why didn’t you answer your phone?”
Then, of course, he walked out on me. And since that weird, sad, life-changing day, I have, little by little, chosen Amy’s other option: Make Myself Bigger. Bang the Pan. Proclaim Myself, not only to others, but most importantly, to Myself.
Have you done that yet? Really done that? If not, I urge you to get started. Find your pan and bang it. You have a voice, a strength, a New Life Story to Live. And You are the Author of this Life Story now. So make it an adventure, a romance, an empowering tale of a road not yet traveled. You can do it. I know you can. If you just choose to Make Yourself Bigger!
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!
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