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Want to Feel Better? Stop “Shoulding” Yourself!

If you are constantly “shoulding” yourself over why you were left, you need to stop it! Should you really have bought more sexy lingerie, or let him hang with his buds more, or been nicer to his mother?

Do you honestly believe that any of those actions would’ve changed the outcome of your marriage? Here’s a newsflash: it wasn’t all up to you! Don’t believe me?  Make a list of all the things  your Ex “Should’ve” done to keep your marriage in tact.

Obviously, he should not have cheated on you.

He should have praised you over the thousands of great meals you cooked, or the too-many-to-count parties you pulled off for his relatives, or work associates, or golf buddies, or old pals from college he wanted to impress with his big, clean, house and perfect family.

He should have asked you what was going on with your life: inside of you.  You know, maybe once every five to ten years.  Did he know your dreams?  How about notice when his shirts were picked up from the dry cleaners and hung in the closet for him?

Was the juicer ever cleaned by him or did he just drink the smoothies? (Ok, maybe that’s just my pet peeve.)

The point is, a lifetime of to have and to hold should naturally produce a million moments that were not negative.  Large or small, big life questions or trivia, deep pain and exquisite ecstasy.  All of it makes a lasting union.

He should have confessed how he was losing interest in your relationship and why.  Obviously, men hate these types of conversations.  Well, boo-hoo.  It is worth some discomfort if you value your wife.  If a man does not discuss these things, he is ultimately looking for a way out.

A couple means there were two people in the relationship. So stop “shoulding” yourself!  The success or failure of your union was not all up to you!  Are you, right this minute thinking, “I should’ve made him talk to me.” Really?  Oh sister, I know. That’s why I wrote this column.

We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!

 

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