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The First Phase of The Break-Up: Being “In It”

When you are in the first phase of a breakup, you are still in a type of “relationship”. Even though it is one that is ending, that word still exists for you. It’s not just scissors that cut a string. It is a long spool that has to be unraveled and unraveled and unraveled and unraveled until there is not any more string. This takes a long time. Going through the shared items, deciding what to throw out and what to keep. Whether you are actually in the house you shared or not, on some level, you are still in it.

Just like you were “in” the relationship.

It consumed your days as well as every single decision that you made. From what the two of you were going to eat, to how you were spending your weekend, etc.   Every single day you were “in it” and now you are “in” the breakup and you can’t see the other end of the tunnel.  You don’t know how long the tunnel is, so you have no choice but to keep walking. At times it feels like he’s in the tunnel with you, and other times it feels like he’s not. But you must keep going! That is what nobody understands about the break-up of a longterm relationship. You no longer are a twenty year old, jumping off a cliff into a river where you just go with the flow. Life is different now.

The relationship stage you are in is called “Ending It Forever”. You can’t simply just jump into your new Single Life instantly. You’ve spent the decades of your twenties and thirties and forties with the same person every day. Every. Day.

Hundreds and hundreds of days add up to thousands and thousands of days. So, if you are in it, you are in it. And I am here to tell you this: It’s alright to be in it.

Don’t judge yourself for being in it. Don’t think that he’s not in it, because he is. He is in it. Even if he’s with her, he’s in it. He lived through the same tragedies and triumphs that you did. He is in a tunnel of his own.

It’s part of the separation. It’s part of the ending of it. And at some point you both come to terms with that.

This new phase is a new beginning because there are no new beginnings without an ending. It’s okay to feel what you are feeling. To think what you are thinking.

Be In it. And just keep walking. The light at the end of the tunnel is YOU!

We all go through major life transitions when relationships end. Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!

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