Are you giving your Ex a test he doesn’t even know he is taking? I know I did this a lot about 6 to 12 months into the break-up. I kept thinking things like, “Well, if he cares at all about this, he’ll immediately respond to this email.” And then he didn’t, so I drew my own conclusion about whatever that topic was and acted on it however I saw fit. I did this many, many times. And then I got more and more infuriated with this man. This man who was just off living his own life. This man who’s life was no longer part of mine at ALL. It
sounds crazy, but I was in a one-way pretend fight with him all in my own head!
I have no idea why I kept doing this. In hindsight, it makes no sense. But after being in a relationship for 24 years, I guess I just assumed that whole “sharing one mind” thing that you have with a significant other never goes away. I. Was. Wrong. And it caused me a lot of distress. And all of that distress was of my own making. But I understand it now. Rather than really getting into it with him, I just had it out in my mind. Because there was a lot of this back-and-forth with him when we were ending whatever was left of the “relationship”. And when that was abruptly over, I had to learn to break the habit. No more of this “negative communication” between us. He was not thinking about these “trivial” things, be they material things, or legal documents to sign, or just thoughts in my head. How could he be thinking about the thoughts in my head?
Letting go of the million-and-one connections you have with an Ex takes a while. At least it did for me. That song on the radio from some concert we saw together, or some other inside joke, or gossip about a relative. Those. Little. Things. He has those things with someone else now. So I have to let that go. As time goes by, it becomes less and less of an automatic reflex to think about him in association with things like that. So, if you are going through some of that right now, I get it. We all get it. But do yourself a favor. Change the station. Don’t watch that movie when it comes on late-night cable. And as you do, those associative thoughts dissipate. And Life gets easier.
We all go through major life transitions when relationships end… Through this website, I will share my thoughts as I walk the path of “New-Self” discovery. It doesn’t matter which side of 50 you are on. The real question is, Are you ready to live life? To forge a Path of Your Own Making (For a change!)? Then stop dwelling over the What-Might-Have-Beens and join me. Share your thoughts here, comment on mine, and let’s do this together!
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